The absolute basics of how and where you can get a girlfriend .. you only think in clubs and bars in the evening? Nonsense – complete misjudgment!
Darius and Estefano give you ingenious tips on how to find a girlfriend …
It pays off for you to read the article to the end because it reveals deadly mistakes that 98% of men keep doing wrong…
So the question is …
How do I get a girlfriend?
Darius: For many men it is the case that they would like to find a girlfriend. I felt the same way. In the beginning I wanted to lay down an incredible number of women. It’s also a thing that you should have done. I still find it a very valuable experience, just to have the security of knowing “I can do it” and “I can do it for the rest of my life” but for me personally it has always been my ultimate goal is, or has become, to have a steady partnership.
And I am now also in a very happy partnership and many men come to me and say “Darius, how can I get a girlfriend?” And a few of the most important tips, I would like to share in this video. Many men, when they meet women, think of two places: bars or clubs. There is most of the place where men get to know women. And these are places that are okay, but in my opinion they are not optimal. Because when I meet a woman in a disco, I have nothing in common with her, except that we are in a disco at the same time. But there are other places that, due to the nature of the place, ensure that we already have something in common. For example, I find the topic of social dynamics super exciting, which is why I find the topic of “dating” super interesting.
That means that if I go to a lecture that deals with such a topic, with the topic “social dynamics”, then there are only people who are also interested in the topic. When I speak to a woman there, the likelihood that we have something in common is much higher. That means the quota of women who are potentially suitable for me is significantly higher than in the disco. Of course these women go to the disco too, maybe my girlfriend goes to the disco too, of course. But the probability that I will find the right woman in the disco is significantly lower because there are also many women with different interests. That means I may have to address 10, 20, 30 women first until I find a woman who has the same interests as me. But if I choose the place smart, the quota of women is simply significantly higher. And in addition – I call it “pre-filtered places” – it is much easier to meet women there.
These pre-filtered places can be, for example: a cooking class for a certain direction, or recently I was at a whiskey seminar. That’s where I met women who sat next to me, who like whiskey, I also like whiskey. We started the conversation super relaxed because it wasn’t a dating context, but we were still able to flirt as if it were a dating context. But that was a lot more relaxed because it wasn’t the main reason. As soon as it becomes clear that this is about flirting, people become insecure. People get nervous about the framework, the frame they bring with them. And that’s the problem with the disco. I go to the woman, the woman doesn’t know if I’m a cool guy. On principle, she lets me flash off because the 10 guys annoyed her beforehand. she is already annoyed because of the 10 guys before. It’s all more difficult. But these pre-filtered locations are individual for everyone. That means I have to think about “Okay, what is my target group of women?”. And this is a very important aspect that most men underestimate because they say “I want to have a small, blonde woman who is intelligent and humorous”. Yes, that’s a start, but what is intelligent for you? What does intelligence mean to you? Does it mean that she studied? Does she have to have a doctorate? Should she have social skills? Should it be emotionally intelligent? Should she have specialist skills? Should she have general education? What kind of intelligence? What topics do you want to talk to her about? Not everyone has intelligence on all subject areas.
Estefano: If you are aware of what you want exactly, it is really cool because you can filter it so incredibly quickly for women. For example, something that was always important to me personally was that the woman has the same sense of humor as I do. I want women to laugh at my jokes. Therefore, whenever I met a woman, I have from the beginning, I have a few things that I found funny. And when I saw that a woman didn’t respond well because she had a different sense of humor than I did, I immediately filtered her out and chopped it off in my head.
And what you need to understand is that there isn’t just one perfect place or three perfect places to meet women. Not that you hear what he says now, and that’s 100% right now. It would be awesome! When you hear that, you shouldn’t run the risk of saying “Okay, women only meet here”. Rather, you need to understand that there are so many different places, and you need to know this background to understand the advantages and disadvantages of each place. It’s the same as online dating. Many dating coaches say, “You may not want to get to know women online in the beginning, because then you won’t have this practice of addressing and so on.”
But online dating in itself is not bad. It’s just different, it shouldn’t be the only place. For example, you can’t just get to know women all day at personality development seminars. It doesn’t work every day! But there is another place where you just pre-filtered these women, and so the whole picture complements each other.
Darius: Exactly. That you just make yourself aware of “Okay, where do I want to go if I want to have a steady partnership?” And “How can I use the different things?”. When you cook, you don’t take one and the same spice for everything. You have to look at the advantages of different places. And so I thought, “Okay, what are such pre-filtered places?” But to develop this personally for you, you have to think about “What is my target group anyway?”. And there are various factors that are important. The first factor is the physical factor. To what extent is it, for example, sporty? For example, my girlfriend is super athletic. She is a competitive athlete. She used to be a figure skater. The German championship and so on. I have been a competitive athlete all my life and I wanted to have an athletic woman. But in order to have a sporty woman, I have to be sporty myself. That means when I sit at home all day, play World of Warcraft, eat pizza and drink cola – which I did, by the way …
Estefano: Me too. I was just about to say what is super cool, I did it too!
Darius: I was a shadow priest.
Estefano: I was also a shadow priest.
Darius: Of course you can do that too, but that has certain consequences. If I want a woman who plays so much, it’s cool too, so I can do it. Then maybe I can get to know them at a games convention or in the media market in the games department. Then I can find women like that.
Estefano: I once had a friend who also played these games. And funny, I had a colleague who was pretty alpha. And he played the game too. And whenever he met a woman, he dragged her into the game and then they continued playing together. He just pulled her into such a reality. Then they were out together.
Darius: Absolutely cool like that. You can do it. If it makes them happy, then do it. I have to see these things consciously. If I want to have a certain type of woman, I have to be the certain type of man for it. If I want a sporty woman, maybe I have to be sporty myself. The next point is social skills. If I want to have a woman who is particularly popular with everyone, I might have to be the type of man who is. If I’m an introvert myself, can an extrovert help me become more extrovert? I have to be aware of that, what kind of women do I want?
Estefano: You ask yourself the question “How do I find a girlfriend” – So here is another very important point – because I am currently working extremely hard on relationships – which actually decides whether you will be with a woman for a long time are together or not. And there are many different factors here. Very interesting topic. But one of the main factors in whether a relationship lasts is whether you have a deep friendship with this woman. That means you either come back because at the beginning it always says “Yes, be not only the best friend of women, but the sexual one”. However, if your goal is to have a long relationship with a woman, it is totally important that she could be a hammer friend of yours without sex and without a relationship. This is one of the main factors for very long relationships that last 20, 30, 40 years. That is why it is so important that you have the same hobbies and interests as the same cultural background. It was an experience I had that I can do a lot better with them because the values and moral standards are much more precise and you will notice these things when you are with a woman for longer.
Darius: Sure. There is a trainer, Michael Mary, who has defined three relationship parameters, three types of love. And he said there is: passionate love, that is this sexual love, this passionate attraction; there is love in partnership – in our everyday life, we can rely on each other; and we have this friendly level. And in a relationship, you need all three levels. You have to be friends with each other, you have to be able to rely on each other, you also need attraction. The only problem is that in our world today, through Hollywood and so on, we are shaped by the fact that we want everything with you forever.
This is difficult because my partner is – for example, with me now – is not my best friend. But it doesn’t have to be necessarily because we have to find ourselves sexy so that we can have good sex with each other and I have to be able to rely on her. Other people say, “Hey look, she has to be my best friend and we have to have good sex with each other.” The next one says: “Do you need this?” And so on. Because the problem is, you can’t have all three things at the same time. Because if you know someone very well, because you can rely on them very well, and because they are your best friend, it is no longer so interesting, you no longer have as much desire to have sex with them, so it is missing sexuality with many partners.
They are good friends and they can rely on each other, but they have the feeling that they already know each other because they are no longer curious about each other. Because of this, sexuality goes down in many relationships. Then they may argue a little more because the man somehow screwed up, but then they understand themselves more. And so there is a certain development, just like you said, this friendship is extremely important so that it lasts, because a relationship is of course not always the same as in the beginning, but always changes a bit, has a development. It’s a good thing, otherwise it gets boring.
Estefano: It is rare that you can have everything. It’s not that you need all three to be with a woman for long. It is very, very rare if you find something where everything fits very, very well. But generally it is very good that you explained that with these frames.
Darius: It’s important to just be aware, you don’t always have to have everything. You can have everything, of course, but you don’t have to. You can be happy, even if something is not perfect. It is a very important thing. If I have a partner, of course, it is not always all peace and joy. Of course it gets on my nerves sometimes and I would like to throw plates around. Sure that’s part of it, that’s normal. It’s just like that.
Estefano: One more thing about relationships because it was one of the most critical points. I am currently reading a book where they have analyzed 600-700 marriages over a period of 6 months to 6 years and where they have discovered that there is a 91 percent chance of predicting whether this relationship will fail or not. And one of the main reasons why a relationship fails, there are a lot of factors, but there is one factor, if it isn’t, 91% of it breaks.
And these are the attempts at reparation after an argument has occurred. That is, when one partner throws a branch at the other, so to speak, or gives them the opportunity to apologize so that it fits again, how much they have the ability to tip the whole thing back between them. So, it doesn’t matter how often you fight, but what you do afterwards. Whether you start hurting them or going into these attempts to repair them. If you fit in on this one thing, a relationship can survive almost anything because you can trust yourself again so quickly.
Darius: Yes. It’s one thing you have to learn in a relationship, to forgive the other very quickly, easily and really to forgive. But back, if you want to find a girlfriend, then you should just think about so many different factors. If it were physical health – doing sports, not doing sports – social skills – introverted, extroverted, large group of friends, mostly male friends, mostly female friends – are all factors that should be considered.
Then the job and career factor – if it is very career-oriented, for example, if you are also very career-oriented, then there may be a problem. For example my job, I could not now partner with a woman who is blatantly career-oriented because I need support for my career from my partner. It’s just like that in my job, otherwise there is no other way. That’s why I need a woman who would like to support me on her own. Others are different. depending on what’s important to you.
The next point, emotional health. Things like that are passive-aggressive, if she bothers something, she says it directly or she drags it with her and two days later she throws some shit on your head and you don’t know why. You can already tell, you know, we also had the example in another video when a woman comes on a date 15 minutes later and I say to her “Hey, I don’t like it when you are 15 minutes late on a date is coming ”. How does she react to such a statement? She says to me: “Hey, sorry” or tries to talk in excuses. So, she takes responsibility for her actions and says “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t know or she says, “Yes, but it wasn’t my fault. The train has not come ”and so on. These are all things that allow you to draw conclusions about your emotional health from the quotes.
Estefano: The ultimate tip in the field and if you just follow this one thing you will notice that you have tons of women who all want to sleep with you all the time and who want a relationship with you all the time and you can choose with whom you have something, and you can often have something with them at the same time, regularly.
If you consider this one thing, that what Darius is giving you right now is so powerful. But what usually happens in practice is that we men get to know a woman that we like somehow, that we find hot, and then we ignore all of the things that we’re talking about right now because we think, “She’s so cool. I don’t give a shit what the two said. Let’s see what breasts she has. I don’t care if it’s passive-aggressive ”. And then we start to develop feelings for them. Then we’ll be with her after a few weeks, months, and then you’ll notice things and try to look away that her character doesn’t fit, and then one day you’ll wake up, and after many years you’ll be standing in front of this pile of rubble in your relationship and everything is fucked.
And if you have this other attitude, namely, “First I sleep with a woman and find out whether it is a woman who suits me at all” instead of you thinking from day one that “we are already together”, then something happens to fire. What happens then is that you regularly have something with her, she starts to develop feelings for you, but you make it clear that you are not quite sure if you want something from her because you are very much are very picky. And ironically, that makes you even more attractive, she wants more in a relationship with you. If you do it with several women, they all suddenly want something from you and you are in this incredibly comfortable position not only to be able to do this with several women, but also to be able to find the woman who really suits you. And the most valuable tip I can give you here, really, sex is great, but be so tough choosing who you are with, because that is one of the most important decisions you will make in your entire life. Because you may have to spend so many years with the woman and you don’t want to have the wrong woman.
Darius: The problem is not just that you are with the wrong woman. The problem is you are not free for the right woman. You basically hold on to something and say “Yes, okay, that’s nice” but you hold on to it, you have no hand free to get to know a woman who is really suitable for you. And these are things that I had to experience very painfully because I stuck to relationships, because I thought “Okay, but it’s not that bad”. Yes, it was bad
Estefano: Because you can be with a woman for so long.
Darius: You have to think carefully about what is my target group anyway? So how do I want to feel in the presence of this woman? How should it be Think about how this woman should be. If you did that, we have already mentioned a few points here how it works, then think about what kind of man you have to be to be exciting for this woman. That is a very important factor. A lot of people think about, “What is my target group?” But hardly anyone wonders “What is the target group of my target group?” So what kind of man does this woman want? But this is crucial, because then you have to ask yourself, “Am I this type of man?” “Do I want to be this type of man at all?” “Can I be this type of man at all?” And “How can I become this type of man? “. For example, it can be that I have a certain target group of women who have a certain area of interest, and then I become aware of “shit, who like this type of man?”, I don’t want to be that.
Estefano: Yes. A very simple mind game is that you think about “If I were this woman, would I want to date myself?”. And you answer that honestly. And you don’t believe how often the answer is actually “no”. Actually, if you are completely honest, actually never, I don’t want to have anything with me.
Darius: That is the issue. And I know a lot of women, I’m not their type. That’s okay, I don’t want to be their type at all. I want to be the expert on something. A friend of mine explained that to me at the time and said “Darius, you have to be an expert”. For example, if I have a toothache, I go to the dentist. Then I don’t go to a car mechanic or a general medicine doctor. I go to the expert because he has the best solution to my problem.
And if I want to have a relationship, I want to have the expert for my personal needs, I don’t just want to have any woman. And also wants to be the expert for a certain woman. For their needs. That automatically means that I am actually not suitable for many other women. I have a certain kind of humor. I have a certain way of engaging in sexual tension. My partner, the first thing she said to me was “How, three and I’m not invited?”, That was our first conversation and it started right away. And that doesn’t suit every woman, but I don’t want to have every woman at all. And that’s something that took a lot of pressure out of me. I don’t want every woman at all. I could have any woman, at least in my head, but I don’t want her at all. And that’s a huge, big difference.
Estefano: Ironically, that makes you more attractive to all women again. Just like all the men who don’t want a relationship, the ones who get relationships the fastest because they don’t put pressure on them, and the men who really want to have a relationship often have no relationship for years because they just do it very much they want to ask themselves the question several times a day, how do I find a girlfriend… totally counterproductive actually….
Darius: And that’s a little counter-intuitive. That is why it is always important to acquire the right techniques and strategies and things of course. This is super crucial, but at the same time to look at “Okay, what is going on in me, what do I want and what context do I want to use it in?”. It’s exactly the same when I buy a car now, not every car is right for every context. If I get a Formula 1 car, I won’t win a rally with it. It just doesn’t work. That’s why it’s important to look at “Okay, what do you want to achieve? Can you even achieve that? and does that fit your target group? “.
Then you are much further ahead than most men, because then you know what you want and you can choose the places where you will meet these women. What we had at the very beginning of this video, these pre-filtered places. And then you will be able to meet women much easier, because it is super relaxing. Like on this whiskey tasting. At this whiskey tasting, it wasn’t a dating context, I could just go to a woman and say “Hey, I don’t think we’ve been introduced to each other yet, I’m Darius”. then she said “Hi, I’m Maria”. And we talked, it was super relaxed. Not like in the disco, I see the woman, she only says “No, I have a boyfriend” or something. No, that doesn’t happen, we were able to get to know each other very easily.
Estefano: Incidentally, a great saying in such a context with “Hey, I think we haven’t been introduced to each other yet”.
Darius: Exactly, then the dynamic is like at a private party. It would be like at your party. You invite me, you invite a few friends, I don’t know the friends yet, but we’re all in the same place, we’re all pre-selected and that’s why we’re cool. And when I say “Hey, I don’t think we have been introduced to each other yet”, I also say “Hey we belong to the same team. We are part of the same tribe, we should be cool with each other ”. Then the women react super relaxed.
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